#fox didn't even have personality and they just killed him off so early lmao no one even asked about him which is hilarious

[pardonmydelays]

i never told you this but i actually watched the warriors (movie) and while the concept album is incredible, the movie literally sucks lmao

[whetstonefires]

I hope you're having an excellent day 😊😊😊 What about Wei Wuxian as Naruto?

Thanks! It was pretty good. I organized my embroidery floss and took advantage of being alone in the building to dance around like a maniac for about 20 minutes. My cat hated it. My knees aren't sure they approve either.

Wei Wuxian as Naruto has a lot going for it right out the gate. Orphaned sunshine boy protagonist types, now we're cooking with propane. They're even both fox coded!

However, at the risk of stating the obvious, if Wei Wuxian were Naruto he wouldn't be Naruto anymore. That is. Fundamental to Wei Wuxian is that he is brilliant and talented and he damn well knows it. He would excel without effort in ninja school--not as much as he did in Jiang Sect unless he unlike Naruto was still getting personal mentoring in honor of his late father, but still.

Difference is, when this Wei Wuxian slacks off in class and the teacher tries to embarrass him, if he reels off the correct answer and then reinvents senjutsu from first principles in a creepy-sounding way for a lark just to show off, the teacher is not going to think that he's just like his annoying late mother. (Though he'll still have one. Kushina and Cangse Sanren are fairly similar Dead Mom archetypes too.)

The teacher is going to think things like, no real child would say that shit and I'm expected to teach the monster fox that killed my family basic ninjutsu I hate this I hate this we're all gonna die.

So basically this Wei Wuxian gets his Yiling Laozu reputation mod as part of the starter pack. I don't think he'd handle it super gracefully! But not the worst, either.

Not even as badly as he did in the actual version, probably, on account of he doesn't know his own dark secret. So he can't self-isolate to protect it. Though him pulling away from people once he does learn would be cool.

He'd probably have forged slightly stronger social ties rather sooner than Naruto did, even if he was just as neglected and radioactive; Wei Wuxian doesn't care what people think of him nearly as much as Naruto does, but in some ways he's a more genuinely social person, and he's got much better social intuition, so it's easier for him to figure out what people want and either do that or not do that on purpose.

He'd have at least a bunch of casual friends. Mostly civilians, and other kids from ninja school whose parents told them not to play with him but they did anyway.

Wei Wuxian cannot do therapy no jutsu. He does not have that ability to confront and exist with emotional discomfort or that intensity of interest in what is going on with other people.

He does however have some level of Friendship Beam Attack (the plot to some extent hinges utterly on how effectively it hit Wen Ning) and it would presumably be more effective, in a shounen context.

But that's the thing, Wei Wuxian isn't really built to confront shounen manga style problems. Or, well, he is, but he's overbuilt for them; they're his bread and butter. One of Naruto's key motifs, early on at least before we got into the heavy power creep, is not being a genius.

Wei Wuxian, by definition, is a genius. He is the kind of guy who walks up to shounen manga sorts of problems scaled to what ought to be his level, handles them, and goes 'what, like it's hard?'

Wei Wuxian is designed to be destroyed not by external threats but by his own loyalties, politics, and lies. (Which was a point of confluence with Itachi I didn't really touch on because the flow was so different lmao.)

He's also, otoh, designed to be destroyed. Naruto is designed to start off artificially low and climb steadily up toward heaven. (Ymmv on how this worked out but he sure did escalate.)

You have to pick which schema to apply when performing the fusion--I mean, it's not either-or, the whole deal with Wei Wuxian is he goes through the entire arc of a tragedy and then comes back to life and stars in a romcom. These things can superimpose and stack. But there are structural decisions that have to be made early.

So anyway, Wei Wuxian as Naruto is not going to enter the Genin Team phase of life with the same priorities, even if he has largely conducted himself about the same way hitherto. 'Proving himself' so 'people will accept him' is not a motive that works for this character--you basically have to give him actual precious people earlier just to get him to care about attaining ninja rank at all.

Otherwise he would probably much rather loaf his way through his teens stealing jutsu and making trouble. Which is the well-adjusted reaction to the idea of becoming a child soldier, like. He likes recognition but 'showing off' is a reason he does dumb fun things, not difficult high-commitment ones. He's like if Shikamaru had ADHD and no parents.

Being twelve is going to make him dumber, but I can't see it making him not the kind of person who stops caring about his marks in school if the teacher is hostile.

If Wei Wuxian here isn't acting out of appreciation for the Hokage raising him, or something like that, you have to give him a practical motive to enter military service like 'Konoha stops supporting orphans out of the public purse at thirteen so he's got to get some kind of job and ninja is the least boring option' which. Is significantly less like either Naruto or Wei Wuxian in terms of reasons to do anything, and starts getting into solidly OC territory.

The whole fact that Konoha's worldbuilding centers around an attempt to move away from decentralized clannish social organization and promote the idea of shared, communal social institutions and (in theory) civil society, and the ways this does and does not work out for people especially considering it is still a relatively small military dictatorship, honestly interfaces super interestingly with how, in Mo Dao Zu Shi, one of the underlying challenges backstopping all character choice is that there is no feasible alternative to the clan system, and you have to pick a family-faction to depend upon and submit yourself to, or face the world with no safety net.

Like. Huh.

.....Kishimoto is honestly unusually-for-shounen well-grounded in the genres he's riffing on tbh, for all my bitching there were some very good reasons his work found such success; I would have liked to see what kind of story he produced without the insane pressures of the Weekly part of Weekly Shounen Jump. I wonder if he'll ever publish again. For all I know he already is lmao.

So anyway, however we manage it we get Wei Wuxian on his genin team with like. Lan Wangji and Mianmian or whoever. Actually that's hilarious. Yeah, make it lwj and lqy, both of them so done with his shit.

Setting up some wild role-reversal here--Lan Wangji being the one to go Away and Wei Wuxian asking him to stay? Or Naruto-person leaving into the dark, and Sasuke-person remaining and calling for him to come back? Either way. Getting some inversion. Tasty.

Where does this leave Jiang Cheng, though? Because in a lot of ways Uchiha 'Deuteragonist by Editorial Mandate' Sasuke is straddling both roles.

In many ways Wangxian is much more like if Naruto had an endgame romance with Neji. Which is a great ship tbh, I saw very little of it back in the day?? In a series with a smaller cast or with less Sasuke Creep (not sasuke being a creep, it's like power creep) it would probably have done numbers.

...Naruto going away for that timeskip really limited his opportunity to make connections in the village huh.

I guess it depends on the kind of narrative you're trying to put together. On one hand, you can do Jiang Fengmian as the rather-more-involved Third Hokage, with Jiang Cheng as an aged-up Konohamaru kind of figure. And then Jiang Yanli is standing in as both Iruka and. I know I know the ramen guy's name. Ichiraku. Soup! XD Emotionally significant soup!

But with a different backstory than either lmao. Kurama very possibly killed Yu Ziyuan in this universe, though I can't visualize her as a midwife.

[[[Why do I have so much Naruto lore on tap, there is no life value in knowing Sarutobi Hiruzen's wife was at ground zero of the Kyuubi attack because she was the expert overseeing Uzumaki Kushina's childbirth a;kdj;lafdks. I do not remember the things I was actually studying in high school nearly this well.]]]

(Actually Jin Ling is Konohamaru and Jiang Cheng is aged-down Asuma. But whatever.)

And in this case Wei Wuxian's genin team is Lan Wangji and Mianmian under idk who. Lan Qiren, possibly, although he seems more the Ebisu type. Lan Xichen? (It's not like he can serve as a plausible Itachi. Can you imagine.) Actual Kakashi, possibly; we can't replace everyone with mdzs characters; the cast sizes don't square.

Kakashi training Wei Wuxian is very funny to think about. He deserves this.

Or on the other hand for a different pacing and focus, the genin team is him, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli under Jiang Fengmian, who dies sometime after or probably during the climax of the chuunin exams. And Sarutobi stays Hokage, and probably doesn't die during the chuunin exams. And we aim for a Naruto/Neji kind of romance storyline lol.

What is the Lan Wangji equivalent of Neji exposing his caged bird seal in front of god and everybody and ranting (it is very unclear at what effective volume though you'd think the proctors would have shut him up if he could be heard from the stadium seating that shit was sedition) about his traumatic backstory and the deep injustices in his family's system of hierarchy? I'm gonna say Not That.

Wei Wuxian versus Lan Wangji important ideological-conflict bonding duel in the Chuunin exam finals sounds excellent though.

Either way Wei Wuxian is going to get much more thoroughly involved in the ugly ninja politics than Naruto ever did, and he's going to hate it so so bad and at least temporarily lose so so so hard. A likely story element is he becomes troublesome enough he winds up having to flee the village ahead of a scheme by Danzou to (fatally) rip the Kyuubi out of him and implant it in some thoroughly conditioned ROOT kid.

Maybe Wen Ning?? Idk. I'm mostly saying this because Wen Ning 1) canonically gets Victimized and Transformed and 2) shares some notes with Sai. And this means he's leaving, in part, for Wen Ning, which ties into some plot and character stuff from their original narrative. You could make it work.

Also him taking the replacement human sacrifice with him when he books it would be hysterical.

Anyway he's branded a missing nin and it is, canonically, illegal for him to tell anyone who doesn't already know about the kyuubi thing, so both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are appropriately what the fucking fuck and receive no adequate answer. This is a workable plot element.

Either the Jiangs or the Lans are the Uchiha, here, which has its own story value, lots of fun to be had. Gotta engineer a way he's protecting Jiang Cheng--does Danzou want to make him the jinchuuriki? Is Orochimaru or his replacement making a play for Jiang Cheng's bloodline limit, whatever it is, fun if it's eyeballs, and Wei Wuxian bargains to give him a jinchuuriki instead? Hmmm.

You want an inside and an outside threat, the obvious viper and the political spider, so you can silo information and make sure nobody entirely knows what's going on.

If it's Jiang Cheng who's assigned the role of bloodline limit macguffin, I have the very wicked urge to cast Yu Ziyuan as some combination of Itachi and Obito. Very Vader kind of effect.

Jin Guangyao as Kabuto, excellent, I need that innocent smile and those torture skills. This may require making Jin Guangshan much smarter than he really is just to fill out the ranks, or again you can keep Danzou as himself.

Tsunade is amusingly enough occupying an overlapping Baoshan Sanren and Wen Qing position; given one of them impersonated the other that time you'd have to do something with that. She's also got some Yu Ziyuan vibe up ofc. Tsunade just contains an entire franchise's supply of girlboss tbh.

Who could possibly stand in for Jiraiya, nobody, but at the same time. Wei Wuxian (with internal sapient asshole nuke) apprenticing under Jiraiya of the Sannin sounds like enough problem-creating goofy jackass genius clown energy in one place to open a singularity. That's too much. No narrative could survive.

Anyway someone please feel free to write this, I am intrigued but also will 100percent never ever put in the time it would take to realize any version of this concept.

[tsuki-sennin]

Get ready! For Boost! AND Magnum.

September 4th, Geats Day! I've been itching to get into this, you've got no idea. What sort of desires would be reflected in our Riders' eyes this season?

My tag for this will be... "the world's next round: trick shot of desire for the grand victory". Mute that in your tags for your convenience.

Spoilers, I guess...

-Those waves were from the trailers!

-Coin

-Ah yep, the loot boxes!

-There he is, the Geats Man.

-God, I can't wait to hear the theme song.

-That is a... very nicely animated inverted CGI pyramid, but

-Sakurai Keiwa!

-My man just wants a job, give it to him.

-Oh shoot, he's a mad man.

-"I want world peace!"

-We are strong! No one can tell us we're wrong! Searching our hearts for so long! Both us knowing love is a battlefield!

-Oh shit, series over already?

-Wow, not even two minutes in and we already have aspirations of godhood?

-Who will change the world?

-"Noooooooo, my jooooooob!"

-Sara-neesan!

-"Bro you'd just donate all that money to charity lmao"

-"...yeah </3"

-Jesus, Sara. We don't need these kinds of scenarios so soon.

-Tanuki soba~!

-I'm personally more of a kitsune udon guy myself.

-"I am Neon Kurama! And I just fucking murdered by the housing market!"

-Oh fuck.

-Those guys definitely aren't from around here.

-Let's gooooo, soba time!

-"MY NOODLES"

-Feelin' boxed in, huh?

-Ooooooh, he killed that poor man!

-Keiwaaaa!

-Jyamato, huh?

-Desire Driver!

-Quite the body count, even for this early.

-"No dreaming for you, normie!"

-There he is. The Polar Bear Man.

-And the Buffalo Zombie Man!

-Ooooooh, love that Poison Charge.

-Gamers rise up.

-All these points.

-Oh shoot, we're going

-Where's Mr. Fox?

-Still has his Ace!

-Esu Ukiyo... what kind of man are you, I wonder?

-Awesome bike, awesome bike.

-Where we droppin', boys?

-Ooooh, a fireman type!

-Love this kinda drama. Shirowe(?) and Buffa are definitely gonna impress me a lot.

-The world's coming to an end!

-Oop. Guess poor Shirowe wasn't enough of an epic gamer.

-Ohhhh, there goes Miss Neon! ...I fear this may be foreshadowing.

-Mr. Fox with the save!

-Not gonna show us the full transformations yet, huh?

-Ooooooh, gonna build me up.

-I love how he instantly assumes he's her boyfriend.

-"Soooooo, you're saying I have a shot."

-...I have noticed that he didn't specify whether or not he had a chance with Keiwa or Neon.

-Definitely get a lot of Kagami/Tendo vibes off of Sakurai/Ukiyo.

-Hitting that there jackpot.

-The world's ending, just like that?

-Thank you for reminding me that the dinosaurs are all gone. Just like my friends Ikki and Vice :(

-Ah yes. "Let's end the world and start over."

-That's a very appropriate response.

-Set!

-Magnum!

-Ready, Fight!

-Oooooooh! Love this music.

-"Get ready for the highlight of the game!"

-Oooooh, man can shoot!

-God, he's so cool...

-Magnum Shooter 40X!

-Ah yep, the classic circling strategy!

-Hot damn, fox man!

-Oh, he got shooties on his arms too!

-Goddamn!

-Oh, here comes the fortress.

-Oooooh, he snipe!

-Oh my god he kissed it.

-Set!

-Boost!

-Ready, Fight!

-"It fucking ate him"

-Geats about to bring down the house.

-Get Ready! For Boost. And. Magnum.

-Oh my god, he's upside down.

-Let's do this thang!

-Revolve On!

-EHHHHH indeed, Keiwa.

-Magnum Boost Grand Victory

-Mission Clear.

-Ukiyo Ace.

-Our new God of Desire!

-"Who the fuck, man?"

-Kamen Rider Geats.

-"Oh, hold on!"

-His baby done left him.

-"Byeeeeeee~!"

-"A game is happening."

-Oh, the new world is happening!

-Holy shit.

-Imagine going through all that on this frequent a basis.

-Tanuki soba guy's okay!

-Ohhhhhhh.

-"Hooray, you're a Kamen Rider now!"

-"I'm a what now"

-Holy shit, there're so many of them.

-Neon-san!

-Holy shit that's like 50 cats.

-No going back now, Keiwa-kun.

-"That's... not a dream?"

-Is that the theme song?

-I want to hear it, I demand to hear it, I neeeeeeed to hear it.

-Desire Grand Prix. A game of survival only for those truly worthy to change the world.

-Gotta say, this has me hooked. Takahashi's really good at grabbing my attention.

-Let's play again sometime, hmm?